Some times life sucks. I mean, I realize that having love and a family and a relationship with God are all things that truly transcend negativity, or even the mundane things of life like bad TV, but sometimes the “suck factor” is so high that you cannot help but notice. Today one of my close friends is having surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from his chest. They say it is the size of a softball. A softball? I would prefer to just know the size in the metric system or something, rather than these types of comparisons. I feel bad enough for him already. He is troubled enough too. A softball? That sucks.
My friend is a 25 year old pastor with a young wife. They are expecting their first baby in just a few months. This is not a conversation about why bad things happen to good people, or suffering in the world, or the sovereignty of God or anything like that. This is the way I feel. I have felt so discouraged at times in my life that I didn’t think I could go on. I remember such a day clearly. A doctor told me that he thought my son might have cystic fibrosis. Just the idea ticked me off. After my initial anger at the inference I calmed down and began to become very contemplative. I really didn’t know what cystic fibrosis was. All I knew is that I prayed for my kids every night as they slept since they were born and this didn’t make sense to me. I began to become sad. I even started fasting until I got an answer from God. (Maybe a little spiritual temper tantrum) In the middle of my second day, I really remember hearing the Lord speak to me in the most gentle way. He said, “Don’t mourn…let me be your Dad”. How I needed to hear that. I wasn’t alone. Did the suckingness cease? No. Did I get an immediate answer about my son? No. Was I able to breathe again and feel hope that the Lord is beside me whatever I might face? Yes.
Some of King David’s writings came in the most emotionally stressful circumstances imaginable. Hiding in caves, being alone, King Saul’s personal team of hit-men chasing him all over creation. The line, “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou art with me” is so intense. David had the experience and authority to write about such a subject. He lived in that shadow for years. The shadow of death sucks, but no person of faith has to face it alone. Some situations threaten to steal hope, joy, prosperity, or even life itself. But the shadow of death is not death itself. Shadows can be cold, dark, and even scary but here we have a promise that we are not alone in the shadows.
Jesus had a very peculiar circumstance of knowing His own death was imminent. No last second prayer or call from the governor was going to come. He knew that. How did He handle it? I think remarkably given the fact that he was about to suffer for the transgressions of every person that ever lived. But did He flinch? Even a little? Yes, He did. It is not blasphemous to say so because Luke 22 tells the story:
41 He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed,
42 "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."
43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.
44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”
I want to point out two things from this short passage. First, Jesus actually asked the Father to change the outcome. Why? Because it sucked. Second, Jesus experiences hematidrosis, a very rare condition of sweating blood from extreme stress. With all reverence to the greatest Hero the world has ever known, it is draining to face such issues. The shadow of death can…well, suck. Right before He gave up His Spirit, Jesus quoted Psalms 22:1 when He shouted, “My God My God why hast Thou forsaken Me?”. He was quoting a passage that deals with the loneliness and abandonment of being in the shadow of death. He was not forsaken, as no child of God is ever abandoned by the Father despite the way it might appear or even turn out. This is the God that says of Himself in Hebrews 13:5, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee”. Jesus was not forsaken and neither am I, Neither are you. Neither is my friend.
I find so much hope in people who have great faith. I believe I have great faith. I believe God is going to heal my friend just as I believed He would give us an answer for our son, who is now perfectly wonderful and has grown through the health issues he faced as an infant. I know so many people who do not seem shaken despite what news comes their way. I feel this way sometimes when I hear a bad report. Something in me tells me everything is going to be fine and my faith is strong. Sometimes though, I hear something and there is a hint of worry, or doubt. Does this make me weak? Does this make you weak? Or does it make me rely even more on a God that has promised me He will never walk out on me?
Many times when I feel weak about something, I get so encouraged by people who are strong on the issue. My wife was resolute that our son was fine and this tough guy would sometimes just curl up in bed and listen to her talk just to feel better. It actually built my faith hearing her quoting scripture and proclaiming promises over our family. It motivated me to do the same thing. It is ok to be that Rock of Gibraltar in a tough situation. But it is also ok to not be. If you are not so strong, turn your heart to God in a greater way. Worship more. Talk to Him more. Learn what He has to say about what you are going through. Even though it sucks.
So, here I am in Florida as my friend is having that tumor removed…the size of a softball. I’m still shaking my head. So is he alone? No. Is it ok to flinch? Absolutely, unless you’re better than Jesus. Is it ok to admit something sucks? I’m sure my critics will tell me no, but when Lazarus died why do you think Jesus was crying? Go on..say it in your head…it sucked. So from now on when you say, “this sucks”, follow it up with, “but I am not alone”.
